Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

I have said these words to myself on more occasions then I can count, giving them lip service and never truly beliving it myself. I liked to believe that I was somehow different from the masses of sheep that mill about in their pitiful, day to day existances and do exactly what they are told, eat what they are told, and wear what they are told.

Today, I am a warrior. I am responsible for the safety of my family and I am the sole keeper of my own honor. The honor of my wife, my daughter, and my friends are also my responsibility to a lesser extent, but do not think I will not protect their safety and honor as if it were my own. I am loyal, I am just, and I am compassionate. I will temper my justice with mercy, and I will weigh my desire against generosity.

I am a Warrior, my training, both mental and physical, are my responsibility and I must condition myself to best of my ability everyday so that I might protect those I love. I must fight as a Warrior to get that last rep every single time, I must ignore the pain, and persevere to ensure the survival of myself and my family.

I am a Warrior, I must nourish my body to ensure the training I need while not giving in to baseless self indulgence. Just because something tastes good does not mean it is good, in fact it is most likely poison. I must ensure that I put the proper fuel into myself so that I am able when the call is made to protect my family and condition my body.

I am a Warrior. I must amass knowledge of my art, my conditioning, and my diet so that I am as informed as possible. It is my duty to myself to learn as much as possible about the topics I need to be versed in.

I am a Warrior. I must condition my mind and forget the petty matters that mean very little. I must listen more and say less as I surely cannot learn if my mouth is open and my ears are closed.

I am a Warrior, honor, justice, mercy, preaux, largesse, courage, nobility, and hope are now my brothers. I shall hold them dear as I hold myself dear.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

We got the posts set into the ground with rebar. The holes were actually very easy to dig this time, I was completely shocked that Kin and I were able to get it done so fast, but we set 7 posts after digging and pounding in rebar in about 3 and a half hours. Mixing the concrete was the worst part. I had to mix it by hand in a 5 gallon bucket. Note to sel, don’t reach your hands in and mix it literally by hand, it’s very hard on the skin and nails, not to mention the finger joints. I will rent a cement mixer next time

Anyway, I was not able to sleep Saturday night, my hands and back were killing me and I just could not shut off my mind. I stayed up until about 6am and then fell asleep on the couch, my wife woke me up at 9:00am and made me go back to bed and she we shopping alone, God bless her.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

We continued working on the house last night. We mowed and edged, painted the bathroom, and did some general cleanup of the yard to prepare for the setting of the new fence posts this weekend. Tomorrow morning we will be setting the new metal posts and will be letting it cure for about a week before putting the fence back up. I am considering getting some rebar to drive in at 45 degree angles before pouring the concrete so that it has more to push against then just the concrete itself. I think this might actually help us to keep the posts from falling. God forbid we ever have to pull them out again though Just got off the phone with Kindra and we will be doing the rebar thing to help stabilize the new poles.

I was talking to the neighbor last night and I think I could rebuild the garage for about $2500 or just refurb it really well for about $1000. I do know I need to completely replace the roof, decking and all, and side it. I would like to insulate and drywall the inside to make it feel more like a shop and less like an out building. I want to add quite a bit of light and maybe a window to it as well so that when working on intricate things I do not have to strain my eyes to get it done. I think can lights and running flourescents would work to light it and then when I build new work tables and such I can add some “arm” lights.

Other then that, we have a lot to do before winter to get the house ready, but I think at the rate we are going we will be fine.

Valor is going to be a lesson in field heraldry. Most of the Heralds will be at KWHSS 2009 and so it will be Subadai, Johann, Fionnula, and I for all of those tournies and for camp crying and any other Heraldic responsibilities. This one is weighing on me a bit, but I will make sure things get done regardless.

I am going to have a meeting with the people who have volunteered for Renfaire and start getting stuff finalized so that I don’t have to worry about it. I want to make sure that things go as smoothly as possible and that we try to have a bit of fun and not have to be so concerned with making money as that will just automatically happen. I am also going to look for volunteers to come out of there is a disaster like there was last faire. I think it will go relatively smoothly, I just have some planning to do.

Maine is a short time away, the vacation will be nice, I cannot wait.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

Kindra and I got the trim painted on the house last night. I found the fascia on the North and South sides of the house needs to be replaced, it is rotting out, but the good news is that I don’t think it will be hard to do by any means. We are slated to get the bathroom painted tonight and fix the brick out front as well as mowing and trimming the yard, just general stuff that needs to be done before the appraiser gets here on Friday.

We discussed last night just building a new garage.I told Kindra if we do we should do a metal garage and add about 10 feet to the back end of it so that I can have a shop in the back  and we can still park the cars in there without being in my way. What I wouldn’t give for a well lit, clean, new garage that is wasp-less and has a few less spiders in it. This will stay in the front of my mind.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

So Kindra and I are working on a refinance of our house, we will be trying to get to 5.5% from 6.75%, we have a lender who contacted us and we started the ball rolling day before yesterday by paying the $375 for an appraiser to come out on Friday. I am nervous and was a bit apprehensive at first, then we decided that the $375 was our only gamble and that the worse that can happen is we lose that and know how much our house now appraises for 5 years later. We need to get it to appraise about $5000 more then it did when we bought it, which a %15 increase in the time would more then cover (that being the %3 the county gives for tax appraisal over 5 years). So, she and I are doing some small things on the house that have been needed to be done for awhile. Tonight we will be painting the Fascia and Sopphits, repairing some broken brick on the facade, and I will be removing a few posts, mowing and trimming, and a few other little things. We know they don’t nescessarily look at that condition of such things, but it also could not hurt.

Ran the first run of week 2 in my couch to 5k program. It was tough, not unbearibly so, but I assume I will have some trouble come week 3. I ran it in 93 degree heat with a heat index of 101, so now I know the heat is not a problem, we will have to see what happens when winter rolls around. I think I will be fine so long as it’s not icy out. I will have to get some runners clothes though as sweats and stuff are not really gonna cut it I don’t think.

Did Shoulders and Arms this morning, found that doing the whole thing is much more of a workout then I thought. I had to step down to the 10lbs weights as that 25lbs were killing me. I am okay with it as it’s all part of the strength building process. I also started keeping a writter record of the workouts, this was suggested in the videos and I thought it was unnescessary, come to find out, it is a nice little victory to write it down and know next time what I need to try to beat.

All in all this week is incredibly busy, I have to miss the pity party and regional fighter practice this weekend, but in the end it will be for the better as my house will have some of the things done that have needed to be done for a long time. My wife will be happy, and I will be happy. God knows the house and garage won’t paint themselves.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

Last week was relatively uneventful, just an average week. I have been spending more time with my wife, we forget sometimes how much we miss the people we share our lives with until we take some time to spend with them uninterrupted.

Spent Saturday at the Farmer’s Market with Kindra. We bought a bunch of fruit and vegetables as well as some amazing sausage from Yoder Meats. I think we will probably go once or twice a month now because we had a really good time. I think Kindra really, really enjoyed being out and about. She loves to look at all the plants and crafts. I told her I would most likely watch for more farmer’s markets, craft fairs, and metaphysical fairs.

Missed fighter practice yesterday due to car trouble. Saturday night when we went to go and get something to eat, the truck would not start. It sounded like a starter/solenoid issue and in my very calm manner, I got irritated I decided to look into it on Sunday, we got up and went grocery shopping, came home and the neighbor gave me a jump start and the truck would start, but if I took my foot off the gas it would immediately die. I did some research online and found out that it could be the air intake valve as these sometimes go bad when the battery goes low. Long story short, $100 later I find out that it’s just the battery and that computer controlled vehicles will prioritize the power it sends to the most important functions first…problem solved and my truck runs amazing now.

Finished Day 3 of Week 1 on the Couch 2 5K program. It seemed the final run of the week was actually harder then the first and second ones. I start week 2 tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I am continuing to do Power 90X, did all week last week, had Chest and Back + Ab Ripper this morning. I am still easing into the ab workout and just doing what I feel I can while continuing to push as hard as possible.

Got fighter practice tonight, going to try to do some slow work and get my shots in on the pell while in armour.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

I have always thought I had a book in me. I know that it is not an easy task or more people would do it. I have a couple of ideas, none of which are very appropriate, but I think given enough time I could put at least one of them down into a decent format and start fleshing it out.

My wife’s #1 hobby is reading and I think she would be more then happy to proof, edit, and offer suggestions to me. The problem is motivation to write. What motivates someone to sit down and write out a 30 page chapter or is it more of a disjointed process of write a smallish (10 page) story and then start to flesh it out? Having never done this before I am kind of at a loss for where to start.

I guess I should just start doing a bit of research and see where it takes me. I am thinking historical fiction or maybe some fantasy. I would love to write something tailored for my wife’s tastes, that would be awesome as hell. She has a very eclectic taste in books so that might actually be kind of difficult to pull off.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

To start the day off, I woke up at 3:30am and could not go back to sleep. Got up and played WoW until 5:00am when the alarm went off and Kindra got up to workout, then I went in and did Plyometrics X.

Did 2 rounds of the Plyo workout this morning before feeling completely wiped out. It is always funny to me how long it takes to get into shape compared to how long it takes to fall back out of shape. I took about a month off after working out for 2 months and today was like I have never worked out before.

The plyo workout is tough on the legs and I was sweating like a whore in church, it was just to much for me this morning. I started wearing down really bad during the jumping knee tucks and that was the end for me today. Though I do start my Couch25K today as well so I will get my workout in for sure. My legs are already getting sore so that will be a way for me to push beyond my comfort zone.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

I started Power 90X this morning. This is my second attempt at it and I will be adding in the Couch 2 5k program as well to build my stamina and “wind”. I have roughly 5 months to train for Crown and thought I don’t know how well I will do, I know that training for it is the best possible way to do as well as I can. I will be doing the Power 90X 6 days a week, running on Tue, Thur, and Sat, fighter practices on Monday Night and Sunday Afternoon, and pell work as much as I possibly can.

I think I also need to try to make some fighter practices up in KC and Topeka as well so that I am able to fight a wide range of fighters. I would also like to get ahold of a video camera and start taping sessions so that I can critique my style and find problem areas through video.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

Kindra and I have a really nice day planned tomorrow at Tanganyika Wildlife Park as well as shopping for fabric, hitting a couple bookstores, the library and a butcher shop. I am really excited at the prospect of spending time with my wife, it has been a long time since I had this feeling. She brought to my attention that she wanted this type of thing and I had not really thought about it in a long time. After our talk I realized that I had missed spending time with her so much and yet let it fall by the wayside as we “settled” in to our marriage and relationship.

We have also been talking about building a porch on the front of the house as well as repairing the fence and doing just general maintenance on the house that I have let go due to my obsession with things not real life related. The house has fallen into a sad shape and that is a dereliction on my part, which I plan to remedy as soon as humanly possible. Work first then play.

We have also been discussing finding other couples with which we can get along, that have no affiliation to the SCA, again keeping both her and I a bit more grounded in the real world. We have discussed also mini vacations to St. Louis, San Antonio, Denver, etc with Jennifer and Jason as a way to get out there and live life a little.

I have to admit, the prospect of all of this is a little exciting to me, maybe I am getting older, maybe I am growing as a person. But honestly, one can only be negative about life and down about the way things are for so long before you start to become jealous of those who embrace life and who take each day as a new beginning. I think that good things are on the horizon and know that now that we have discussed, things will continue to get better and better.

She is my everything, it is my job to make sure she knows that she is the most beautiful woman on Earth, that she is the most important thing in my life, and that there is nothing that I would not do for her. She moves me.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

So sometimes in a relationship you must face adversity to move forward. My wife and I have always had a “let it be” relationship and apparently neother of us were really happy. Yesterday morning, it all came out in a very painful and very vivid argument. I spent the better part of yesterday concerned about things and last night when I got home, she told me she knew where I was coming from and that yes we needed some changes. After much discussing and laughing, a bit of crying, and a hug or two, we figured out together what the problems were, how to start working on them, and how to get to a place we should be in our relationship. This makes me incredibly happy.

So from this day forward, I promise to be much more mindful of my wife’s wants and desires. To listen intently to the things she says and een more intently to the things she may not say directly. It is up to me to be the best husband I can and to show her that SHE is the most important thing in my life and to show her herey day just how very much she means to me. She is my eveything and now is the time for action. A new dawn has come for me.

We also discussed religion. We are both pagan, I have been since I was 16, she has since she was about 25. We are not “good” pagans by any means, but we hope to change that. I am now looking for ways to get restarted in connecting with that part of me and sharing that with my wife. I cannot help but think this morning that the God and Goddess intervened and slapped me in the head with a very big hand to ensure I did not lose the one person in this world that was created just for me. I WILL FIND A WAY BACK TO THEM!

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

Had an okay fighter practice last night. Lot of people showed up and we had some really good fights. My training seems to be paying off a bit and I feel real good. I think changing my armour will help throw me for enough of a loop that I can bypass the next plateau. I think if I continually challange myself by fighting tired, hungry, irritated, annoyed, happy, sad, and in extremes of temperature that I can train my body to fight better in perfect conditions. I will be training with a sword and shield that are both to heavy and pushing myself beyond the point of tired to raise my stamina. I will gain the skills I want…

I have been trying to impress upon my “student” that you have to work pell work slowly. I am only trying to show her proper technique at the request of her actual trainer and I want to make sure she gets the techniques down solid. I told her last night that you have to visualize the fighting and the shots from start to finish, walk through it slowly and make the shot count. The only thing she should be concentrating on with that is exact and perfect form. She is coming along.

My mind is not where it should be, I need to focus on the inner self and stop concentrating so much on the things I cannot change. My mind is starting to try to betray me and I refuse to let that happen. I am master of my own fate. I am master of my own choices. I am master of all the things that do and do not happen to me. I need only apply that principle to my issues and move through them as though they are made of nothingness.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about happiness and what that means. Happiness as defined by websters is as “the quality or state of being happy”. My thought process has led me to the end that whilst on the surface many of us seem like happy enough people. On the underside while we may be happy in one portion or another in our lives, we may harbor and unhappiness in others that causes the whole to fall to a point where we are forced to lie to ourselves and tell ourselves we are happy.

As an example, while a person may be socially, physically, and financially happy in a relationship, on an intimacy and emotional level they could be unhappy. Does this in turn cause the “WHOLE” to not longer be happy? The thing bothering me about this is that at what point does one become so enraptured in their own unhappiness that something “snaps” and they ake life changes nescessary to make themselves happy?

I will be the first to admit, I am emotionally handicapped. Most people figure this stuff out early in life and are more then willing to face their issues head on. I grew up in an abusive home, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was a “pussy” or a “girl” if I expressed my emotions. My mechanism for dealing with this was to hide my true emotions and not tell anyone anything that might make them angry or upset even if that meant sacrificng my happiness to make that happen.

Fast forward 20 years and you have an emotionally stunted non-confrontational adult male who would rather just swallow his feelings of inadequacy and that he is undeserving of happiness. Seems to me for the things I have witnessed and been through in my life, the least I could be is happy. I mean really, do I get to have all of those little horrible keepsakes and be a huge bucket of crazy on top of that?

I guess I don’t know where I am going with this rant. Suffice to say my happiness is not where I think it should be and I am almost at my breaking point. I deserve happiness in all aspects of my life and relationships and should never have to settle for anything.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

So I have been working on the Ren Faire ideas and trying to get things fleshed out. It is nice that people are coming out to help, I got two more people signed up last night HL Uldin and Lady Sung agreed to Marshal in Charge and Waterbear respectively. It is good to have people who are interested in the survival and future of the Barony and want to see everyone succeed. I see good things for this Faire and see very few obstacles at the moment. I will be contacting Thorgrim shortly to start that ball rolling early to ensure we have everything we need and they everything they need.

I got the go ahead last night also to offer a free site fee for out of Barony Heralds willing to do some work at Valor. God knows it’s the least we could do for those who are willing to travel so far and to spend their free time working for the enjoyment of others. Vivat the Volunteers!

For a few days now I have been thinking about happiness and the different types that a person must have to be complete. It is odd to me how you can be completely happy with some aspects of life and not want them to change because you are comfortable, yet at the same time, be so completely lost and empty in other areas. This has given me a great deal to think about and keep my mind occupied with.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

My job is stressful. I basically make sure or more to the point, attempt to make sure that our website http://www.sheplers.com comes up at the top of the search results for things like cowboy boots and cowboy hats. This is sometimes a practice in futility as a friend of mine said about the PPC market “It’s like playing chess with a Supercomputer”, mine is like playing chess with that same Supercomputer only I am blindfolded and not allowed to know what moves he is making until it is far to late.

I have thought a good many times that it might be better to work as someone who does not have to think for a living, but the truth of the matter is I am just lazy and a victim of my own circumstances. I have run away from hard work for so long that anytime anything gets remotely difficult I run away. As I am trying to “grow up” and learn as much about myself in the process as possible, I stumbled upon this fact. I will now be working to alleviate that burden as well. There is no reason to run away anymore, it is what it is. If work were supposed to be fun, it would be called happy fun time…

I am restarting Power 90X on Monday. I fell hard this time around and I need to work hard to be more mindful of what I am doing and what I am skipping by not working out. I feel like shit when I don’t workout, I don’t like myself fat, and I am not happy being mediocre anymore. I want, no damn that, I DESERVE TO SUCCEED! It’s a lifestyle change so things will eventually slip and slide, it’s a matter of getting back on the horse and not quitting.

I finished Cai’s pell last night as well as spent some time with Anders talking and working on his shield. I need to get some heater hose so I can finish his bastard sword in time for Valor, actually in time for him to have some practice with it before Valor.

I watched a man being Knighted upon the field the last Saturday of Liles. This was the first time I have heard the words spoken as well as been close enough to see the emotion on the faces of the men and women who are now this man's brothers and sister. I was moved to tears at how deadly serious they oaths, virtues, and trappings of a Knight are taken. I saw the look of fatherly pride upon the face of Syr Waldryk and that pride moved a strong Knight to tears when he released a man from his service. The genuine tones of the men who spoke of the virtues of the Chivalry and how you could tell such things were from the heart and not men paying lip service to an ideal that does not exist. I was completely and totally blown away by it.

It has had me thinking. I may never reach that level and if I do not that will be okay. The true honor is in the journey, the people you meet along the way, the lessons you learn, the skills you obtain, and the respect and love of your friends. This is the glue that binds our society together, not the trappings of one order or another, but the comraderie in the love of a thing such as what we are allowed to experience in a society that is what we make of it.

 

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

First let me just say that today, Calontir lost a true son and patriot in Syr Ternon de Caerleon. May the Gods bless him and help those of us left behind to know peace in our grief, and never forget those fallen that helped make out culture what it is. Today is truly a sad day for Calontir.

I had a very interesting conversation with Gawayne last night. That guy is my hero I swear to God, he is a walking encyclopedia of historical knowledge. We discussed squiring and that hethought it best I squire outside the Barony, to which I wholeheartedy agree, and that maybe I should speak with another Knight here in the Kingdom. This other Knight has been pointed out to my before as someone who might be able to help me find a sense of direction and get my SCA bearings on all things Chivalric. I will make first contact with him at Crown if he is not to busy and then we will go from there.

Tonight I am planning on getting the yard mowed, finishing Cai’s pell that I have been “working on” for months now, and helping Anders get his rig fixed up. He said he did not have a lot to finish, but I also remembered I need to get some 1.25″ heater hose to make Quillions out of. Valor is quickly approaching.

Speaking of Valor I need to find some Tournament Heralds, which considering Known World Heraldic Symposium is the same weekend, it is going to be hell trying to find people to call the tourney, if nothing else I will sit out and call the tourney myself. I am looking forward to it though.

In the mean time, I need to restrap my rig so that I can buckle it myself, finish my new gorget so that it fits properly and start looking into a purple robe with a falcon and the repainting of my shield. I also need to finish my wooden heater and have a bend put into my wankle.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

I ended up only staying one night because of the rain and general misrable weather. I was not going to come home early, but the heat had gotten to me, my food stores got wet and I just decided I would come home. I was very apprieciative of Halidor and Hotel Forgotten Sea for allowing me to camp with them, I enjoyed that alot.

I did get to fight and had a great time fighting with Daniel of Arden, he is a good man and I see great things in his future, he is a truly noble man. We fought together in 5 Bridge Battles and once forded a “river” to flank the enemy and crumble their line with Bjarni and several others.

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

I am leaving for Lilies in a couple hours and I could not be more excited. I have everything packed up and waiting at home for me to come and load it at noon. I then need to swoop by and pick up Maren and then we are off.

It’s funny, I did not remember how much stuff I have to take and how little extra is needed for more people. I have aTent, Cooler, Armour Box, Weapons, Blankets, Carpets, Clothing…the list goes on and on.

Anyway, no writing until the end of the weekend, hopefully I will have some really good things to report. It is time to be a social butterfly and doing what I need to do to have fun, the old me is dead, Vivat the new me!

Originally published at Palespyder's Web. You can comment here or there.

I did not get up this morning to work out. My biceps and abs coupled with the lack of sleep from yesterday caused me to puss out not not get up today for Kendo X. My wife pointed out a very good thing though, this is not a race. We are changing out lifestyle and not just dieting and working out. This is the permenant solution so taking a day off every now and then is not a bad thing. But I cannot help but think I somehow let myself down today, maybe that is a sign that I know what I am doing is right.

Got the tent set up last night, seems to all be in order and held very well for sitting for almost 4 years without being set up. Still was full of the red dirt of Oklahoma from the last camping event I went to in Tulsa.

I got my sword taped and a thrustie added, taped my 9ft, retaped the handle of my baby greatsword, and got the canvas on the edge of my wooden shield. I do like the shape, I do like the side. I think for everyday use it would be better to have an aluminum one, but the wood one will look nice and can be a tourney shield or something. I would like to make one for my camp that is just a sign.

Next weekend is Champions and I am on the fence whether to fight in earnest or just fight as a spoiler and bye fighter. On the one hand, I have been Champion twice before and I feel it would be good to let others have a crack at it. On the other hand I think it is good for everyone to have a certain level of competition every now and then. I am not saying I will win, quite the contrary really as we have a good number of really good fighters here.

Well we shall see, it’s a week away and I am in no hurry to make a decision.